I am grumpy.
It's Christmas Eve and I am grumpy......
I feel like I should be lighter than air, happy as can be, but I am just grumpy.
We're off to 7:30 Christmas Eve service so I am hopeful that it will lift my sagging tired spirits.
I need to hear the word of God right now. I need it to lift me up and renew me.
I think I am grumpy because it's the holidays and for me, holidays are all about traditions. I wish Greg and I had more established traditions. You know, like every Christmas, we eat german brats for lunch or we have a certain CD that we listen to....Our children are still little so these tradition have yet to take hold. This is the first year Micaela really got into Christmas. (She asked me in the kitchen earlier who was going to wear the Santa costume, me or daddy? Hmmmm.)
I was so excited two days ago when my Mom said she'd come visit in January (I've not seen her for almost 6 years, and she's never gotten to know my smaller kids. She hasn't seen Jonathan since he was 11 years old. He'll be 18 next summer.....She met Micaela once and has never seen Adam).
Today she told me she wants to wait. For what? Six more years....? Makes me sad...but this means, I will fly home to Texas in the Spring, maybe in March. Go alone and stay for a long weekend and see everyone I have missed. I have many long standing special friendships, the kind that trascend time and space. I am eager to see those people again, hug them and show them how even from far away I have loved them and missed them. Going back to Texas is not something that thrills me, but I will do it just to see my mom. Plus I want to visit my father's grave.
So off to get dressed for church now.
Oh Holy Spirit, fill my heart.
Gonna listen to Josh Groban's "O Holy Night" in the car. Man, that guy can sing.....I sing like that in my head but it loses something when it comes out of my mouth...
Fa la la la and feliz navidad....