Sunday, May 06, 2007

mama said....



Mama said there would be days like this....

My oldest son, Jonathan, has fragile x. With this, hand in hand, goes NON-STOP anxiety and constant jabbering. I laugh to myself sometimes, and think, "If God was going to make him talk 24-7, why did he give me this super bionic hearing?"

The day started with Jonathan, whining, "I don't feel good." He does this if he's facing an uncomfortable transition: CHURCH. We used to go out to lunch every Sunday but we no longer spend that $60 so frivilously, so Jonathan does not like church much anymore. We no longer have that carrot to dangle....

So Greg took the kids to church while I sat on the couch...and listened to Jonathan babble ALL DAY LONG. It saps even the most patient mother. But even if I screamed at the top of my lungs, he doesn't shut up. It only makes him upset, which leads to a meltdown....which is what we were trying to avoid the whole time...

I kept trying to engage him. He would throw things at me and call me names.
I kept trying though....and all the while, a phrase kept running through my head, ("Lord, make this moment holy.")

So he babbled through the afternoon. He's calm now but my nerves are a bit frazzled. I did convince him to come out on the porch and let me photograph him. He knows I love him and I love to take pictures of him. I cannot capture him though. Jonathan is so deep, so multi-faceted that I just can't capture him properly. I do try though....

This picture spoke to me. I started crying when I saw it. It's not technically a good picture. He's not even looking at me (so fragile x) but he looks so child-like, so tender. And it reminds me that even though he's in a man's body, he still has the heart of a child....

1 comment:

Linda said...

prayers to you, as always. I think both pictures are wonderful. I love Jonathan's big blue eyes.