Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Separated by 14 years.
These are my sons.
Jonathan is 20 and has fragile x.
Adam is 6, and by the grace of God, does not.
When I was pregnant with Adam, my heart sank when the ultrasound revealed that he was a boy. I was TERRIFIED of having another child with FX. (don't get me wrong, I love Jonathan but it's A LOT of responsibility, that never truly ends....) We'd already had Micaela (who is now 8) and she also has fragile x (mild but still, she has it, too). It might sound selfish, but I wanted to have a normal child, a typical baby. But genetically speaking, I am not a lucky person.
They did the amnio twice JUST TO BE CERTAIN. I waited for weeks that stretched into a month....the results couldn't come fast enough for me. Greg was the one to get the call. When he told me, I burst into happy tears.
But then all of a sudden, I worried.
What did I know about raising a normal kid?
I knew about the off-the-wall-but-I-get-'em behaviors of a fragile x kid, but what do *I* know about normal? I was actually worried.
I worried if the younger kids would be able to relate to Jonathan at all.
I worried how our expanded family would weather the ordinary daily living.
I shouldn't have worried. It's all in God's hands.
I mean, just LOOK at them.
God had His hand in it the WHOLE TIME.
When I saw this picture yesterday, I gasped.
THESE ARE MY SONS.
Both so beautiful and unique.
I don't love one more than the other.
My heart swells with love just looking at them.
I don't care if this picture is slightly out of focus, it's going on my wall. In nothing smaller than an 11x14. I love this picture. It speaks to me heart as a momma. I love these kids.
And more importantly, it's a visual reminder to me to TRUST GOD. I don't want to forget that. Not even for a second.
Having a (large) brother with mental retardation is something that is a part of Adam's life. From this, he's learned compassion, patience and unconditional love. And he has learned that his brother is a whole person. Not just a label, or a diagnosis.
I am so blessed that my family grew.
I am so proud to be their mother.