Tuesday, September 09, 2008

brothers always


Separated by 14 years.
These are my sons.
Jonathan is 20 and has fragile x.
Adam is 6, and by the grace of God, does not.

When I was pregnant with Adam, my heart sank when the ultrasound revealed that he was a boy. I was TERRIFIED of having another child with FX. (don't get me wrong, I love Jonathan but it's A LOT of responsibility, that never truly ends....) We'd already had Micaela (who is now 8) and she also has fragile x (mild but still, she has it, too). It might sound selfish, but I wanted to have a normal child, a typical baby. But genetically speaking, I am not a lucky person.

They did the amnio twice JUST TO BE CERTAIN. I waited for weeks that stretched into a month....the results couldn't come fast enough for me. Greg was the one to get the call. When he told me, I burst into happy tears.

But then all of a sudden, I worried.
What did I know about raising a normal kid?
I knew about the off-the-wall-but-I-get-'em behaviors of a fragile x kid, but what do *I* know about normal? I was actually worried.

I worried if the younger kids would be able to relate to Jonathan at all.
I worried how our expanded family would weather the ordinary daily living.
I shouldn't have worried. It's all in God's hands.

I mean, just LOOK at them.
God had His hand in it the WHOLE TIME.
When I saw this picture yesterday, I gasped.
THESE ARE MY SONS.
Both so beautiful and unique.
I don't love one more than the other.
My heart swells with love just looking at them.
I don't care if this picture is slightly out of focus, it's going on my wall. In nothing smaller than an 11x14. I love this picture. It speaks to me heart as a momma. I love these kids.
And more importantly, it's a visual reminder to me to TRUST GOD. I don't want to forget that. Not even for a second.

Having a (large) brother with mental retardation is something that is a part of Adam's life. From this, he's learned compassion, patience and unconditional love. And he has learned that his brother is a whole person. Not just a label, or a diagnosis.

I am so blessed that my family grew.
I am so proud to be their mother.
TRUST GOD.

8 comments:

Holly's Mom said...

Boy's are Beautiful!

Alesha said...

Just beautiful! Thank you for sharing your story and that picture!

"Trusting God"...it's always the answer, but somehow we overlook its simplicity.

Thanks for the reminder,
Alesha

Anonymous said...

It's a good picture Suzanne. I can see why you like it so much.

JB

Anonymous said...

Almost daily something happens (usually one of my kids will look at me a certain way, or do something small but significant) and it touches my heart and amazes me.... Then I'm again reminded that God really does know what He's doing! If 20 years ago someone had told me my future, I would have said "there's now way!", but God is the way and I have to always remember that.

FXSmom said...

Awww...I love that shot too!
When I got my two oldes I totally was lost on how to deal with them. They were the normal boy and girl I had wished for. I didn't have to give birth to them. I didn't have to worry about diapers. But I did have to worry about sleepless nights. I worried so much that I could be the mom that they deserved. That I could figure out how to raise a kid without an IEP. Last night I helped the oldest with her Algebra II homework. I knew then...I can do it, I will do it, and I'll be good at it. :)

SB said...

AlgebraII? Yikes. I don't look forward to THAT...(I hate math.....but it hates me, too, so we're even..)

Jessica said...

You have a Beautiful family. Children with special needs have their "challenges" but they are so full of rich lessons that we can learn from their lives. Psalm 139:13-14- "For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." God never makes mistakes we all are precious in his sight! I would love to add your blog to my list of blogs I like to read if you don't mind. I really enjoy yours! Hugs!

kristen@nosmallthing said...

I love that picture, too. They are beautiful boys.