Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I'm back.....

It's been a while since I've written.
Life was, and still is, very busy....
I don't even know where to start, with updating the readers.....

1. We moved VA to WA State. This is just normal military life, but it was a big move for us. It was our first in 6 years. We'd sort of "settled" in VA and it made moving a bit more stressful. Especially for Jonathan.
2. Jonathan did not "move" well....halfway across the US, Jonathan pretty much melted down and never really recovered. Upon arrival in WA, his meltdowns just got worse. Skip ahead a few months of nothing but meltdowns, which brings us to...
3. In early October, Jonathan assaulted me. I was lucky this time, with only a mild concussion, two black eyes and a very sore neck...and a broken heart. This meant that Jonathan was no longer able to live at home with us. I was very blessed that the social workers and Jonathan's team at Madigan helped me navigate the mental system and have Jonathan involuntarily detained. In other words, "committed". It was very tough.....but it was a safety issue. For me, and for the children....
4. The days and weeks following Jonathan's departure left me with every emotion you could imagine: fear, guilt, horror, relief, emptiness.....usually all at once. But here we sit almost 7 weeks later, and everyone has settled into a different life....a life without meltdowns, a life where no one throws furniture. A life where I don't get punched, kicked and bitten.....and Jonathan? Well, he's living in a facility that is designed to handle his needs. In a way that I could not at home. He's so much happier, I'm safer and in the end, it all works out like it should.....I miss him, but I don't miss the drama....for those of you who would judge me, please don't. This was not an impulsive decision. It was agonizing...as I was sitting in the ER, going through the CT to make sure he had not broken my neck, one of the nurses told me she'd been through the same thing...I felt so alone until she said that. I just burst into tears...but I know I'm not.....

So now, you're all caught up on my drama.....

What else is new? I'm looking forward t the Holidays! I LOVE THANKSGIVING and CHRISTMAS....and I'm planning.....I've got my recipes all laid out :)   I'm ready for some happiness and some new memories!!

5 comments:

Melinda said...

Hugs to you & Jonathan. Happy Thanksgiving!

Linda said...

Suz - I am glad that things are beginning to be the "new normal"...I know it can be tough; I've not walked in your shoes, but learned enough about your situation from you. I'm thankful that you weren't badly injured...aside from that broken heart. No one is judging you...there are people all around the world who have had to do the same thing you did. It's not that you don't love Jonathan, but that you love him TOO much to see him go through this. If he HAD hurt you badly (or God forbid, killed you), there would have been serious repercussions for all of your family. As you stated, he is where people can take care of his needs better than you. I know as a mom, you always want to be the provider, but when your "child" is a man, and he is taller than you and outweighs you by a LOT, you have to give it up to God. And God is the one in control here, and He saw that it was time for you to have that "new normal".

I love you Suz...always will. I miss having you in the same timezone as me!!!

rennratt said...

My heart breaks for you. I can not imagine how incredibly difficult that must have been for you.

In the end, however, I am so glad that:

1. You are okay.
2. Jonathan is okay.
3. Your family is okay.
4. Jonathan is in a place where he can flourish.
5. YOU ARE BACK.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Amy said...

My prayers are with you and your family. It's difficult to make the best decision for all the members of your family. No judging-just prayers!

Stacy said...

Welcome Back